post #10

I have nothing really Earth-shattering to say. I think I am posting for my own vanity (I might even argue that in another blog, but not now). My eyelashes are nearly all gone. I am wondering how the doctors and nurses will react before my hip arthroscopy next week since I cannot wear make up there. I have gone out in public more without make up. I don't think I want people other than close friends to see the "real" me, but as long as the public I see are strangers, then I don't have to fear their judgments. I doubt anyone looks at my eyes when they see me. All my life I have felt absolutely invisible, at school, university, and so on. If so, then I guess I have no worry about people looking at me and thinking of how terrible I look. But, I'm also vain and paranoid, so I suspect people think I am truly crazy. Oh well. Enough babble for now.

How does TTM affect me?

This is one of the most candid posts I have ever written. Especially with the picture above. The red dots on my eyebrows are scabs, from my tweezers. I find the tiniest eyebrows growing and dig until I get them out or give up. If I have to give up, I'm agitated and uncomfortable all day or until the hair comes out. TTM is like that, an impulse-control disorder. The reason my eyes look weird is because I have no eyelashes. I have almost pulled them bald again. I made so much progress then I backslide. Right now, I wear bangs, it helps to hide my condition. i also normally wear make up, heavy eyeliner and eyeshadow. I have had TTM since I was 11. I just hope someday this blog reaches people like me who want hope and support.

After surgery, I am recommitting myself to recovery from TTM (surgery for my hip). I will not let this disorder ruin my face.

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